Browsing:

Category: Tales from the Attic

Dear Sleep

Dear Sleep, You don’t pay my bills. You don’t cook or clean. You don’t finish my manuscripts. You don’t meet my deadlines. I don’t have time for your selfishness in my life. And when I’m with you, I’m thinking about Read more…


Let’s Talk About Sex

If someone tells you love is a feeling that sparks in the gut and blooms into an absolute sense of magical knowing that spurts rainbows around your heart, they are so full of shit. A long-term relationship is the ultimate Read more…


6 Indulgences to 24 Hour Perfection

If you were gifted with 24 hours, guilt-free and suspended in time, what would be the 6 indulgences dominating your day? Two restrictions: You spend it alone (Sorry, kids. Self-pleasure only) You can’t touch your to-do list Here’s my 6 ingredient cocktail to 24 hour perfection: 1. Read more…


40 Cal’s a Girl’s Best Friend

Shot my H&K USP .40 for the first time today. Holy hell. BEST birthday present ever. I love this gun. Why? The sturdy weight, the smooth recoil, the accuracy, the heavy trigger pull, easy safety/decocker, and it never malfunctions. And Read more…


Black Roses and Zombie Vases

February 14th, 7:00 AM My black boots clacked along the marble lobby as I strolled to my office. It was a day like any other. With one exception. The reception desk buzzed with the scurry of couriers, each juggling armfuls Read more…


ThanksKilling

How does a splatter-gore-horror-obsessed vegetarian celebrate Thanksgiving? With zombie chickens and a slasher turkey, of course. First on the menu was Poultrygeist. A Troma classic, to be sure. Obscene, offensive, and utterly delicious. Summarizing this Night of the Chicken Dead movie Read more…


God Box

I settled onto the stool beside my first grader and brushed his bangs out of his eye. “All done?” “Yup.” He pushed his homework assignment over the counter to me. Two large boxes filled the worksheet. Living Things labeled one Read more…


I Heart Zombie Chicks

We, the nerdery, buff and shine numbers to answer the ultimate question. What is that question? It doesn’t matter. The answer is what’s important. In our cabal of hungry minds, the answer isn’t 42. No, it’s much more primal than Read more…


Splatter Plot

These fuzzy gray-twilled walls are cramping my style. I clank my coffee mug down on one of the many brown-stained rings swirling on my desk and glare at my colleague. We’re sitting in my 10×10 office cell and he’s going Read more…